This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
