I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
