the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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