Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
