I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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