I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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