in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
