He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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