so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
