is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
