Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
