Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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