She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
