i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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