I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
