The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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