Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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