Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
