If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
