he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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