sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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