how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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