Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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