farters have to be the big spoon...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
