all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
