He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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