hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
