Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
