Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
