Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
