Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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