girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
