i already hear my dad disowning me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
