Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
