I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
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Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize