I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
