meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
