This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
