he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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