p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
