sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
