this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
