So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
