yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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