I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I look better un-naked...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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