I think I died a long time ago.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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