worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had sex on a dog bed..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize