It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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