so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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