awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
