when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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