I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
