i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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