sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
