I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Couch. On fire.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
