so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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