Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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