forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
