You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
