I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
