yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
