Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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