You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
