I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
