My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
