I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We got so high we made milksteak
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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