there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
