i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i came on her dog
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
