Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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