Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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