There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think your dad took our porno
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
