I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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