Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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