Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My pussy is not your playground.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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